(to the tune of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

In all the long years that Hogwarts has been schooling,
There have been four different houses a-ruling.
If you'll sit for a moment and hear,
I'll sing all of them just for your eeeea-eeeaaa-eeaaa-eaaaar:

All of the Hogwarts houses
Have their own strengths and flaws,
If you are put in Slytherin,
You'd better hope you can grow claws.

All of the Huffle-puffians
Are so sad they get called names;
None of the other houses
Let them share in Hogwarts' fame!

The Ravenclaw, with nose so high
Gets brown on it from teacher's ass.
The Gryffindor, who hates the rules
Never even goes to class!

So keep your heads high, oh first years;
Don't ever let your spirits hang!
For it could be much worse, first years:
You could've ended at Durmstrang!